Mental Breakdown

So this week has been hard- I've been dealing with multiple discipline problems with the kids in my class and Jake was gone for two nights on a camp for the 8th graders. Needless to say, I was a little stressed out. Thank God my own boys were actually quite wonderful... if you've seen the Freeze Dance video, you know what we were doing!

It all came to a head this morning when I had a parent at my classroom door. I had her wait as I got the kids in and settled- I could kind of tell she was upset so I was stalling trying to think furiously... what could I have done to make her mad? As the kids were leaving the classroom to go to P.E., I saw she had a vocabulary quiz I had given earlier. I went to talk to her thinking, oh she just has a question... I had miscounted the score, so it should have been a 30% instead of 20%. I said no problem, I could fix that but apparently she was REALLY upset because I had written a note in her child's planning calender something to the effect of "Johnny didn't write down anything about signing and correcting the quiz or the upcoming test on Friday. He got a 20% on it and it seems to me that he doesn't want to show you his low scores, however I wanted to let you know he is getting low scores" (because I had pulled the test out from the back of his desk and put in back in his agenda). This is a parent that has some serious issues with herself and the school, she has caused problems in every grade level... it's a wonder why she even keeps her kids at Brent if she's so unhappy.

Anyways she proceeds to rant and rave about how I could have wrote such a thing and don't I have kids and how she really likes me and doesn't understand how I could do this... on and on. At first I said "Now calm down, I care about Johnny (not his real name) too-" but she wasn't hearing me. She kept ranting about how she wanted to meet with all these people but they weren't there (like my principal, the counselor, the pastor, the headmaster) but they were gone or told her to talk to me. Well, I wasn't going to talk to her like this and by this time I was getting upset so I told her she needed to make an appointment at the office. She still wasn't hearing me so I got a little more upset, almost crying and said "I don't deserve this and you can't talk to me like this". She still wouldn't shut up or leave so I ran- I ran down the hallway crying all the way into the office to the teacher's lounge, sobbing uncontrollably.

My kids were still in the hall as this was happening, although the specials teacher was there. I wish I would have just went back into my room and left her in the hall but all my kids were coming out of my room and I think I was afraid she would follow me and I would be trapped. It was fight or flight, and well, you know what I did!

I have never had a parent shake me to the core like that and I have never broken down in front of a parent. I may have cried afterwards but never in front of them. I think what I felt the worst about was that my kids saw that. Luckily I had first hour prep so my good teacher friends helped me calm down, but I still was tearful up until the kids walked back in at 9:30. Jake had texted me that he hoped I would have a good day since the previous day had been rough and I cried to him over the phone. So I texted him back, saying thanks but it actually was worse.

I was more worried about the kids would react than what this lady was going to say to my bosses. I knew I was okay in that area. As the kids came in, some asked if I was okay and I told them yes. I sat them down on the floor by my couch and told them that sometimes adults have disagreements and when I get upset, sometimes I cry. I asked them "Do you guys ever get upset and cry?" All seven of my girls said yes and all the boys were saying no! I told them, well I'm a girl so I cry. And they thought that was funny and I reminded them about the conversation that we had yesterday about behavior, Jake being away and that it had just been a tough week. Then we moved on to prayers and praise reports, and just like that, it was good. I also worried about Johnny, who's in my class and watched what was happening, perhaps the only one who really knew what was truly going on. I spoke with him privately and said that although his mommy and I had a disagreement but that we actually both are on the same side- caring about him, but that the disagreement had nothing to do with him. Later, I had a meeting with my principal and he was backing me 100% since he has a history with her and the family anyway.

So I moving on and letting go. I think some of the staff were a bit taken aback and so was I. Normally I'm not a crier but sometimes things are just more than you can take at that moment and I wasn't going to let a parent make me feel like I'm not doing the best job I can with my class. I've been working extra hard and I am exhausted helping them to become better people. I miss Lora, my partner in crime, who was always there to lend an ear.

There was some important lessons learned by all today:
1) My class learned I'm only human and I have feelings just like them
2) That they better start behaving or else they'll make me cry again!
3) My daily devotional talked about how the devil uses threats but God uses warnings to help us, which I thought was relevant
4) That I started this new bible study book with our group and it's helping me get closer with God, well anytime someone does that, there's always opposition and you just have to keep persevering through it
5) I am so glad that Jake is not working nights at the Zoo anymore! Although my own two boys were wonderful, it just brought back some bad memories of me being alone many nights...
6) The living abroad honeymoon is over and this where the "rubber hits the road"

I think this day would go down officially as my worst day at work in my professional career, however it is slightly reminiscent of a time when I was a cashier involving some silly string... but that story is for another day.

What I am thankful for is the wonderful people who I work with, who didn't make me feel bad and gave me encouragement. Also that I have a three day weekend- no Monday for us! We are taking a trip to a camp of sorts, more grass to play in and outdoorsy feel with the Yap family. So I will be using this time to recoup and recenter myself.